Another episodeSunday, October 25, 20205:41 PM

Another episode

Sunday, October 25, 2020

5:41 PM

It was yesterday.

 

I found myself despising dad for not being able to work proper and mom for leaving the pot of tomatoes boiling for so long that the whole living room was steamed up.

And I detested the idea of having to care for them because of the hard work that would go into it.

 

And LOOK AT ME!

 

I despise myself.

 

But I should love myself.

I am capable of much love in the Lord Jesus.

 

Dad sensed it I felt.

 

 

I was growing agitated.

 

But dad gave me a call to encourage me yesterday night.

It was harmless.

 

 

Today I went twice to house 3 and pulled out all the staples.

Lord's promptings.

 

 

 I do not run like a man running aimlessly. I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

1 corinthians 9: 26-27

 

 

The second time I went I was praying.

I found myself trashing myself all that good stuff with the little bad there were.

It scares me.

 

I prayed that I might not be a trash.

That I might be used for God's good Will.

 

It is the evil in me.

Those who has will have more and those who have not will be taken away from even more.

I was about to be stripped of everything.

It is so scary.

 

I shall try.

I shall struggle to win this fight.

 

It is not just status quo when it is losing.

You keep losing until you become the  most evil piteous sight and being in the world.

You have to keep climbing up, and reach towards Lord Jesus and keep moving that way to reach God and all the good that you can do.

 

I will not lose.

 

I saw myself discarding all the raw good material I had for destruction and complete evil.

It was so 아까움.

So very so.

 

I shall pray to the Lord that this might not be.

And I shall fight.

I know I was slow but Lord Jesus will help me.

I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO THOSE WICKED EVIL BEINGS AND POWER.

 

There was water on the other side of the ground I sat on to pull out the staples.

I came home intending to do more after the water receded.

But I felt the Lord wanted me to go and do more.

So I obeyed.

I wasn't wet but I finished pulling out all the staples.

 

 

I should study more now.

I read more bible.

I should.

 

I should wake up at 6 in the morning and pray.

No more aimlessness and beating the air but with a purpose.

 

 

I am or I should no longer be the girl who sought literature.

But a woman seeking to be independent and find her own means to make a living.

Nursing in this case and try to be a good nurse.

Be where God wants me to be.

I want to be used by God.

I want to do His Will and accomplish His Will for me in my life.

It is my dream.

And now I will say It will be my DREAM.

 

I will work for this.

With all my heart.

 

 

I am weak but Lord be willing I can be and will be strong.

Mom told me this morning that I had not been always so lazy.

I had once been very diligent.

That I should try to recover my old self.

 

I will be different from now.

I shall seek Lord Jesus and His Ways.

I shall love God.

 

 

I shall love God.

 

God.

Please be my God.

I wish and long to serve you and you only all the days of my life

 

Let my body and all my capabilities be used for Thine will and Thy Kingdom.

 

 

 

I seek you, Lord.

I seek you.

 

 

 

 

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.